funny freelance

Marriage Quiz

By Kat Hobza

You’re never really “ready” to get married.  Just like you’re never really “ready” to have kids.  Take this quiz to determine your level of ill-preparedness: 

Your intended is always late for dinner.  Do you;

1. Assume he’s cheating on you
2. Assume he never really learned how to tell time and buy him a watch
3. Assume he’s not hungry and eat without him

Sometimes you feel like your fiancé doesn’t hear a word you say.  Do you:

1. Assume he’s cheating on you
2. Talk louder
3. Place yourself between him and the TV 

Your boyfriend forgot the two week anniversary of your first date.  Do you:

1. Assume he’s cheating on you
2. Hand him a calendar with all important dates highlighted
3. Casually mention that you poisoned the last boyfriend who forgot an  anniversary 

You want to do something with your friends for the weekend and your fiancé has a fit.  Do you:

1. Assume he’s cheating on you (cheaters are a notoriously jealous group)
2. Arrange a poker party for him and his friends while you’re away
3. Invite him to join you and your friends in hours of shopping, girl talk, chick flicks and jokes at his expense

Your fiancé has a bad habit of asking where his wallet, watch, keys, etc. are.  Do you:

1. Assume he’s cheating on you (he can’t remember if he left his stuff at his girlfriend’s!)
2. Place a container labeled “stuff” on the counter and make sure all of his worldly possessions are in it before he goes to bed each night
3. Tell him, “If you want someone to wipe your nose for you, maybe you should marry my grandma.”

If you chose mostly 1:  You are not ready to get married.  There could be several things at work here, none of which is good.  You might be overly insecure.  OR, your soon-to-be life wrecker is probably cheating on you.  Swap out the wedding stuff for an all inclusive resort on a single’s beach.

If you chose mostly 2:  You are a problem solver and almost ready to get married.  You just need to balance your willingness to help others with some serious “me” time.  Make certain those around you don’t become too co-dependent on your dilemma-solving skills.  It’s also important to evaluate if your future hubby is as helpful, at least 50% of the time, when you’re in a jam.  If you are constantly giving, and others are constantly taking, you’ll just end up bitter…and very, very tired.

If you chose mostly 3:  You are used to being self sufficient, which your intended must appreciate or you wouldn’t be wearing that 3 carat cubic zirconium right now.  With an independent streak like that, your marriage can work if you and your fiancé can find at least one thing you like to do together.  Even if it’s just visiting over beers about what you do independently of one another.  Wait to have children however!  While your intended might be accepting of your fierce independence, your children will not be.  Practice nurturing your husband on occasion for a few years before having kids.  For example, when he gets sick, instead of saying, “Get your own damn soup,” ask if you can get him a blanket or some medicine.  Practice, practice, practice.

If you chose a combination of 2s and 3s:  You’re as ready as you’ll ever be.  You know when to be lippy and you know when to help out.  You’ll be able to strike a balance between your own needs and the needs of those around you.  Make sure your first home together is stocked with lots of coffee and liquor.  Your friends will be over frequently to complain about their marriages and to seek advice from you.